Madness
by Bluejay141519
Summary: Alternative ending to the season 1 finale. What if Erin hadn't stopped the bad guy from shooting Jay? Definite Linstead with some Jay Whump!
1. Madness

**Just a little one-shot of mine... Hope you like! And this is my first song fic, So I really don't know what I'm doing... but the song is supposed to fit with Erin's thoughts. **

**I don't own Chicago PD or its characters.**

_**Song: Madness by Muse.**_

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**Erin's P.O.V.**

I get out of the car, senses alert.

_"_Clear! I can't clear!"

"Cover back!" Jay yells.

Moving around the belly off the flipped van, I hear Jay identify a weapon.

_" _Gun! I got a gun!"

_Alright Erin, a little faster would be nice._ Adrenaline courses through my veins, making me remember why I love this job. Putting away scumbags like these gives me a special kind of pride. But the proud feeling disappears when I go around the front of the van to find a man pointing a gun at Halstead. In a slight panic I fire a shot into his back. He drops like a sack of potatoes.

Breathing heavy, I glance up at Jay.

"Are you okay?!" I basically yell at him. Smooth. Like he needs more encouragement that I like him.

He doesn't answer.

"Jay?"

He slowly ripped his gaze from mine to look at the growing stain in his shirt. Blood. _O my god._

"Jay!" I scream his name as he crumples to the ground, me just catching him before he slams his face into the ground.

"It's ok, I got you. Just relax. I got you." I murmer as I lay him on the ground. I radio for an ambo before tearing my phone from pocket and dialing Voight. _Please, please, pick up!_

"Yeah!" Hanks rough voice answers, agitated.

"_Hank." _He must hear the panic in my voice, because he instantly softens.

"Erin? What's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?" Voight starts firing off questions like a mad dog.

"Halstead's been shot." My eyes start to burn as I look down at my partner. _Stay with me.__  
_

"Where are you?!" I look for a street sign or something. Nothing.

"I don't know! I-" I have to stop because I'm balling now.

"Erin? Erin!? Are you listening? " I nod, before realizing he can't see me.

"Yes." I choke out.

"He's gonna be fine. Just put pressure on the wound. Keep him talking. We'll be there soon." I hang up. _Ok, you can do this. _I put both hands on the hole in Jay's abdomen. He's unconscious. How do I keep him talking if he is unconscious?! The panic inside me explodes, making my chest tight, and I start to sob. _Talk to him. _A voice in my head tells me._ Tell him everything. Talk to him and maybe he'll talk back. _While I debate what to do, his breathing becomes shallow.

"Nononononono! Jay Halstead don't you dare do this to me! Don't you dare check out on me! I will kick your ass if you die!"

My tears stain his face. Drawing a breath, I do something I've never done - ever. I open up. to him. About us.

"Hey, do you remember when I dared you to put a bottle of lemon extract into Antonio's coffee? And you did? And he flipped shit after he found out it was you!?" I fear that if I stop talking I will completely lose myself to the realization that my partner in crime, is shot.

_I, I can't get these memories out of my mind,_

_And some kind of madness has started to evolve_

_"..._just about died laughing. I think that was when I realized I wanted- no, needed you." My eyes are waterfalls right now and have no intention of stopping. I draw in another shaky breathe.

"Then Hank banned us ever being together. And I thought it was for the best, you know? I didn't want to hurt you. I thought I could just move on."

_And I, I tried so hard to let you go,_  
_But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah_

_" _And I did. For a while with Kelly, it felt better to be able to be with someone and not be afraid of getting him fired. But Kelly and I... we aren't like me and you. I don't get that spark I get when I look at you. I don't _feel _ anything. I never understood what you meant by _one day."_

_And now I have finally seen the light,_  
_And I have finally realized_  
_What you need._

" But I do Jay. I do understand. And I want it. God, I want to be with you so bad. I'm just so_scared. _Scared of what I would feel if I let you in. Scared of what it would feel like to-" I can't. I can't say it. Even on his death bed I can't tell him that. _  
_

_Tell him what? The truth?_

Sirens in the distance. It's now or never. I'm not even sure he's breathing anymore. My breath hitches in my throat as I stagger out the words I convinced myself I'd never say.

"I was scared of-of what it would feel like to _love_ again. You her me, Jay? _I love you!" _I press my forehead to his, still sobbing, praying for him to live.

_But now I have finally seen the end _  
_And I'm not expecting you to care _  
_But I have finally seen the light _  
_And I have finally realized _  
_I need to love!_  
_I need to love!_

And I hear it. So faint I'm almost thought I imagined it. No, it was there.

Paramedics pull me away and I just fell away staring at nothing, no longer crying but trying to process what was happening.

_Come to me_  
_Just in a dream._  
_Come on and rescue me._  
_Yes I know, I can be wrong,_  
_And baby, I'm too headstrong._  
_Our love is-!_

The EMT's move Jay to a stretcher. Tell me he's going to Lakeshore. Then wisk him away in the ambulance just as the rest of the team comes running down the street. Suddenly everything becomes clear. Live or die I will always love him. And he- I know he meant those four words.

_"I love you, too."_

_Madness._

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**Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo how'd I do? I know I said this is a one-shot but if you think it I should add another chapter, tell me in reviews, along with who's P.O.V. you want it to be. And of course, if you liked it or thought it sucked. :D**


	2. A thousand Years

**Sorry for the long update. You can thank Bubbly88Tay for this 'cause I wasn't gonna do a secound chapter but she convinced me other wise. I know I didn't put song lyrics in this one but its supposed to go to A thousand Years by Christina Perri. So just imagine it playing while you read. Sorry if Jay seems a little O.C. I tried. Ok. shutting up now. (sorry)**

* * *

**Jay's P.O.V.**

Ever had one of those days where you wished you stayed home? You know like your car breaks down when your already late, you drop your phone and it gets run over by the tow truck so you can't call your boss, but it doesn't matter because he was gonna fire you anyway? Or-here is a better one-you get shot in the chest by some lowlife nobody criminal? *ding,ding,ding! We have a winner! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jay Halstead!

An uncomfortable pressure on my sternum is all I'm aware of when, my partner and unfortunate never to be love of my life, asks me if I'm ok. The pressure rapidly increases, making it harder and harder to breathe.

"Jay?" Why is it so hard to breathe? I move my gaze from her to my chest. Oh. Well. There's your problem. A bullet hole I didn't even know I had that is currently pouring blood out onto my perfectly nice shirt. My body feels like jello and suddenly I'm on the ground, with Erin hovering over me. She has her phone out frantically talking to somebody and-

_"Lt. get down!" an explosion rocks the area next to me. Suddenly I'm flying, flying like no human ever should, and land in a tumble of limbs. Somebody roles me over, screaming my name, begging me to respond, threatening to kick my..._No. No this is wrong. This is Afghanistan. What happened to Chicago? To lindsay? Lindsay! She was-

I'm yanked back home, to the cold street beneath me, to the woman I love. She's talking now. I can't see her, my eyes feeling like they are glued shut, but I can hear her. Erin's stories bloom real memories, happy memories, that push the terror filled experiences out of my mind.

_"Oh, yeah? Ten bucks says you won't!" _

_"Ten? Try a round at Molly's. If I'm about to find out exactly how much Antonio loves his coffee, you can atleast buy me a beer." Halstead responds to his partner as they climb the steps to the bullpen._

_Erin turns around and slaps a bottle of lemon extract into my hand. A wicked smile crosses her face._

_"Done!"_

"-and he flipped shit when he found out it was you? Then you-" her voice fades to memory again.

_"I'M GONNA KILL YOU HALSTEAD!" _

_"Shit, Jay, run!" Ruzek yells at me as he runs past. I grab his arm._

_"How'd he find out?!"_

_"He saw Erin throwing out the bottle. He knew she didn't do it and she was very forth giving when he asked who did."_

_"WHERE IS HE?!" I look at Adam._

_"Make up some BS, Ok?" I need to get my keys and there in the my desk."_

_"What?! He'll kill me!"_

_Then stall him! Play stupid! Just give me some more time." I don't wait to hear his reaction. I sprint around the corner, to get my car keys and hopefully make an escape when- WHAM! I'm on my hands and knees, blood gushing from my nose, a rippin' headache, and Erin laughing her head off._

_"Next time, Halstead I'm gonna use a steel pipe."_

_It then occurs to me that he punched me in the face as I can around the corner. And my partner, saw the whole thing and is now dying laughing on the ground._

_"You see why I need that beer?"_

I keep zoning out because I only catch bits and pieces of what comes next.

"...never understood what you meant by one day...I want to be with you..." Damn, now I'm hallucinating?

Because I know that Erin, MY Erin, wouldn't say that.

"...I was so scared of what it would feel like..." Hope explodes in my heart. Hope that the girl that I love might feel the same way.

_Please, Erin._

_"_I love you!"

I would have kissed her had I not been dying. Dying. Shit! She needs to know! She needs to now how I feel before I go. But no, I don't want to leave chicago. Not after this. I could finally have a life with her. I just don't know if I can win this fight. So I tell her. I use the last of my breathe to tell her. It's all I can think to say. But I guess it tells the story.

My thoughts quiet.

_Goodbye, Erin._

The darkness swallows me.

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**And? Yes? No? I will do another chapter after this if you want, but I won't go further after that. this was never meant to be a full blown story, but it was such a hit I felt I owed it to you guys. Thanks for sticking with it over the break. I never have anytime over the month that is winter break. (yes including the week back to school. I wish I had a month of break.) **

**As for Stop and Stare the next chapter is in the works I promise, however you probabaly won't get it till next week or the week after. :P**

**Tanks guys!Review for next chaptah!**


	3. Something New

**Enjoy! Song is Something New by Axwell Ingrosso. Should check it out. It rocks.**

* * *

**Erin's P.O.V.**

"_I love you too."_

The words echo in my head as I sit in the most uncomfortable chair in the universe of chairs.

He wasn't breathing.

They told me that as I walked in, that he came out of the ambo half-dead. That the bullet had hit a lung, he physically couldn't breathe even if he tried, we will do everything we can, blah-blah, doctor talk, lets go. Then they took him. And he was gone. Pushed behind closed doors, so I couldn't see him, couldn't reach him. It felt like those doctors had taken my lungs with them when they went to surgery. I haven't been able to take a full breathe since.

"_I love you!"_

The day has repeated itself over and over again for the last 3 hours since we got here. Well, me. The rest of the unit is giving statements and doing a shit ton of paper work. Turns out when one of your team members get shot and your _not _there, you have to fill out every piece of paper in the god damn precinct before they let you go. I check my watch.

4 hours.

I swear time is moving really fast and impossibly slow right now. Maybe because the adrenaline is wearing off. Or because I'm scared.

_It's the adrenaline. It's just the nerves. _

Damn.

I let go of a breathe and lean back into the the chair. Who am I kidding? I was scared. Terrified actually. That he'll die. That he won't. Because really, what do we have? All this love and denial between us, and if Voight finds out we're together he will kick Jay out of Intelligence. And I'll hate him for it. Not because we'd be dating and that would hurt Jay, but because he would do it just to _protect _me. Its bullshit and he knows it. But then I would have to actually be able to sort through the emotional soup in my head to figure out if I can put Halstead through that. Through me. I tend to deny feelings, if you know what I mean. I just-I don't-...ugh. See? This is why I deny emotion.

"Screw it." I mutter.

"Tell me about" a voice reply's from my left, effectively scaring the shit out of me.

"Good, god Antonio! Warn a girl first!"

"What? I've been here for, like, twenty minutes!"

I give him my best "I hate you, but your right" look before turning and walking briskly over to a doctor who just appeared out of the ER doors.

"Excuse me? Um, I was wondering if you had an update on-"

"Lt. Halstead?" he says interrupting me. "Yes, he is out of surgery and in recovery right now."

"Is he gonna be okay?" I must show something in my voice because he gives me a sympathetic glance before looking at his clip board.

"Lt. Halstead suffered from a gunshot wound to the chest, which punctured his left lung before splitting into multiple pieces, each of which ricocheted and caused significant damage to his system. However after a very successful surgery, in which we removed all the shards and repaired the damage done to his lung, I believe he will make a fast recover. Provided he actually listens to me when I tell him he needs to rest the next week or so." he finishes with meaningful glance at me.

"Oh, he will." Did I really just say that?

After a suppressed smile, the doctor gives me Jay's room number and excuses himself.

He's gonna be ok. Halstead's gonna be ok. Oh, sorry, _Lt. Halstead. _Since when is that a thing? Lieutenant. Huh. He is so getting shit for that. I smile. A real, honest, giddy with relief, romance and bliss smile. Walking to his room, I peak in the little window of the door to see he is awake.

_I love you, Lieuten_ant.

* * *

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I hate hospitals.

That's my first thought, when I tear my eyelids open to see the stark white ceiling, walls, bed, sheets, everything. My first thought, followed by "I should be dead where is Erin shit what happened am I dreaming? did she really tell me she loves me or am I just on some really good drugs?" which was then followed by the complete panic I get when I can't remember how I got some where. Which basically involved me bolting upright, gasping like a fish, and looking for the nearest weapon.

"Relax before you pull something." That voice. That voice that has me instantly following her orders. I flop back onto the bed, groaning in pain.

"You know, I wouldn't have thought that you, a leader of one of the deadliest organizations in the world, would let himself get shot by a lowlife thug, who wasn't even a Rider*."

I try to speak but my throat is so dry, it comes out as a grunt. She apparently takes it as acknowledgement. She. She was talking about Riders. She knows my past. She know who I really am.

_That's not Erin._

Impossible. These drugs have to be messing with me. She can't be here. It's against everything I know about her to be standing by my bed side.

But she is.

"Don't look so surprised honey" her seductive voice comes from over me. I still can't talk.

"I've been here for a while." Here meaning my bedside? Or Chicago? She grins at me as though she can tell what I'm thinking. And agrees with the latter.

_No. I would have heard something. She to cocky to walk into my city and not brag about it._

She leans close to my ear.

"Yeah. I did. And trust me Jay..._I know everything."_

* * *

**Still Jay's P.O.V.**

Ironically, I should have guessed that she would show off the fact that while I may have lost my edge, she, obviously, had not. After giving me something that knocked me out, she made her exit.

Of course that didn't stop me from saying her name like an idiot when Erin walked through the door.

"Who's Rachel?"

"Nobody. What's up?" I say quickly enough that I, (hopefully) deter her from that name. And the memory of me ever saying it.

"What's up? _What's up?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"_ Erin basically screams at me.

"Somebody's pissed."

She just gaps at me. And takes a deep breathe. And still manages to look beautiful without trying.

"Yes, _Lt. Jay Halstead,_ I am VERY pissed at you."

"Whoa, whoa, Lieutenant?! Where did you get that?"

"Your doctor had it as your name or something. Are you really focusing on that? You were just shot, Jay. I'll give you shit for the Lieutenant thing later."

I sigh. "Don't remind me."

"We need to talk Jay."

There it is. So I couldn't have imagined it. She really did say it. Erin Lindsay, the girl of steel, told me she loved me.

I honestly couldn't have stopped the goofy smile that crossed my face as I thought this. This then makes her laugh, seeing me all doped up on drugs, fantasizing this great life I want to have her. That laugh. Oof. It's like a punch in the gut, what that laugh does to me.

"Thank you."

She stops and looks at me.

"For what?"

"Back at the van-I was going through some shit...and you pulled me back."

She looks at me funny for a moment. Then realization crosses her face.

"You were back at Afghanistan."

I swallow with effort. "Yeah." I reply, my voice hoarse.

She takes a deep breathe and slowly let's it out.

"Ok. So I'm gonna talk to Voight. You, um, are gonna stay in the hospital for a couple of days..." Damn it.

"...and I gonna see about you staying at my place when you get out. That'll give us time to figure..." she waves her hands in a gesture of me and her

"..us." I look at her.

"So there is an 'us'?"

"Considering we just told each other we love the other, I think there should be, don't you?" Ever the sarcastic remark, I give you Erin Lindsay!

"Erin."

"Yes, Jay if you must know, I went and bought you a sharpie so you can mark your calender."

"Um..."

"Because today is our one day."

I swear if my jaw wasn't attached to my head by many a connective tissue, it would be on the floor.

"So if you will excuse me, I need to go and have a showdown with Voight about you keeping your job now that we're dating."

Jaw still on proverbial floor.

She walks toward the door, but pauses just inside the room.

"Oh, and Jay?"

I've recovered enough now that I manage a word of recognition. Something along the lines of "cuzmgeryeah?"

"Your welcome."

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**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnd cut!**

**Wow that was a hard chapter to write, that's why it took so long, but I was like: "seeing as I've had 3 snow days in 2 weeks I have no excuse for not updating" and BOOM! Here we are. And I have some explaining to do. So I understand all of ya'll are scratching your head's about the first part of Jay's story. As for the second part, I'm sorry if it didn't live up to expectations, but trust me, I tried. **

***So this part of the story will serve as an teaser to my next story which will be a fairly big one. (like over 15 chapters big. For some dat ain't big-for me it's monumental and is subject to grow bigger) All is gonna be explained in that story, called "I Am Intelligence." Sorry I can't clear it up but its like the Avengers 2 teaser. Hopefully really good but really annoying as it tells you almost nothing.**

**So this is the last chapter for this guy. I will not start my next story until "Stop and Stare" is finished. This is good as I will have no distractions from other stories. Speaking of which.**

**FOR ANY BETRAYED FOLLOWERS: **

**I'm sorry. I really tried to type another chapter but CPD was calling to me. I do have it written and if anybody is still following it I have made it my mission to finish it. **

**For those who don't know what Young Justice is, go on Netflix or Hulu or Prime or some other website, legal or not, and watch it. It will change your perspective on how many times to can re-watch one season and each time get more and more pissed that they canceled it and that netflix doesn't have season 2. Ok. Rant over.**

**Review! Please, please, please! With a whole jar of cherries on top!**

**:)**


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